YOU VS. ME

As an intuitive and introspective person, I am always analyzing (and over analyzing) myself. My thoughts, actions, anything and everything. I know my major weaknesses and I always catch myself committing these sins without rhyme or reason.

One default of my kind (haha, I am my own kind) is my need to always compare myself to others. How have I only done this, when someone has already done that and gone to do other things? It is a recipe for disaster! Yet, I find myself making comparisons even in daily conversation.

When I was in high school, I tried my very best to do as little as possible to get into college. Now that I am in college, I feel so much more inadequate. When taking college prep classes in high school, I felt superior and even when not having studied, I felt in control. Comparing high school to college, the only way for me to succeed is to actually study and complete every assignment I’m given. This makes it easy me to feel inferior to my peers.

I am an English major, with an emphasis on writing. I had to go to a English major group meeting the other day with around 25 students. We had to share our least favorite books with the group, with a few other facts about ourselves. I enjoy reading, but usually read self-improvement or simple fiction books. So when it reached my turn, I was dumbfounded, and just blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. In the big picture, this moment did not matter, and no one else thought anything of it. It just put this whole college thing into perspective for me- that I really have to focus and put time in to get anything out of it.

It can be so easy to compare yourself or your achievements to others, but it only hurts you in the end. Next time you find yourself making comparisons, insert yourself into the other person’s life. I do this often and really think of both situations. Could you do what they’re doing if you had their recourses? Why can’t you do what they’re doing? Does what they’re doing even really matter? You are on the right track, and are doing everything you should be. Don’t compare yourself, you are enough!

Xoxo

LITTLE HEARTS BIG DREAMS

Life is crazy.

The most overused phrase in my vocabulary, yet the only one that reigns true. Do you ever find yourself looking around and just thinking what? (!!!!!!!) How did we end up here? How is our reality actually real?

At night, is when I (and many other insomniac ridden brains) stay up thinking about, well, EVERYTHING. I think about home, and my friends, and how my heart breaks when I think about how things used to be. But also, when I walk down the diverse streets of San Francisco, my heart breaks a little too. It’s so beautiful! Can you fall in love with a place? Can you fall in love with a moment?

Life is craaaazy. We are all just little humans on our own little paths, following our hearts. Sooooo, moral of the story: look around and take it all in. Breath in your surroundings. Follow your heart, do as it says and you shall be bound to success.

MOMENTS.

Sometimes a moment hits you, a real true moment of ultimate bliss. You can look around and be one hundred percent comfortable in yourself and your surroundings. You aren’t dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future. You are here. In the moment. You feel it, and it feels you back.

These are the moments I live for. I take a step back from everything around me, and in that moment, all is perfect. There is a balance in the universe that makes everything just about perfect.

I just read this quote that really stuck out to me. “Every single choice you have ever made in your life has brought you to this exact moment, reading this exact sentence.” So powerful, and so true. I believe in the idea that “everything happens for a reason”, and if you don’t know why- you will find out eventually.

I was pondering back on a moment around a year ago, while I was supposed to be focusing on my English lecture. I was walking during a break in my high school with my best friend, talking (more like analyzing) about the future. The acceptance letters were rolling in, and we felt like the last two who had yet to hear from anywhere. She was worried about getting into prestigious art schools, while I was worried about facing the fact I wouldn’t be attending a university. I had doubted myself, and scoffed when she stated that I will for sure get in.

Months later, I step into the future to my current moment, where everything seems to have added up- as I’m typing this from my dorm bed in the college that seems to have been made for me. I look around, and I feel like everything right now is just about perfect. I can hear the wind blow onto my pristinely comfortable bed (equipped with a three inch foam topper to ensure a good nights sleep). I think about my friends and their college experiences, drastically different from mine, but just about perfect for them.

I like to think it all adds up to be just about perfect, xoxo

TAKE A SIP.

Today, I skipped my first college class. I also turned in my first college english essay. I guess it was a day of firsts!

Why I skipped my class you may be asking, hmmm. There isn’t really a good answer. I am going to be honest I just did not want to go, so I didn’t. Good or bad? Wrong or right? The world may never know. (My professor would say bad, and wrong. She may be right).

I love to analyze everything around me, especially the current situation I’m in. Today, as I was shaking during my coffee-high, I was thinking about how crazy this whole college thing truly is. I am slowly fitting into my surroundings and getting a routine down. It can be hard to adapt to new surroundings, but it is so fascinating to see how quickly humans can adapt.

Obviously some days are harder than others, and sometimes everyone can have suffer from low points. But, I think/hope, this new place will soon become my home. I am really enjoying my classes, even though I have to actually do homework to pass. And I actually have to get good grades and not just slide by like highschool, but with a latte in hand, I am ready for the challenge.

Xoxo

La Universidad

Hello! So I have been in college for two weeks. Wow. It honestly has felt like I have been here forever! It has been quite a change.

I am so excited to start writing about my experience and sharing this journey!

The first night was very tough and I felt strong feelings of loneliness and abandonment. Being away from my friends and family was much harder than I thought it would be. The simple moments are those I miss the most. It’s interesting to go to a new place and no know one. I thought, because I am a friendly and outgoing person when it comes to meeting new people, that making friends would be easy. I never thought about how long it takes to make long lasting relationships that are serious and truly make an impact on your life. I am blessed with one roommate who is already a great friend, and another who is such a positive and caring person to live with. Sometimes though it can be very hard to be in an entirely new place with no one who knows you. I have to completely open up and be trusting to random people. It takes a long time for me to open up, let alone trust anyone. I think as a culture we put so much pressure on college students, and how they should have this amazing, easy, and party-filled experience. Looking at college from an outside perspective, it is challenging and can be really hard. I could easily see how students could get home sick and find their way back. But also it is so exciting and new and really needs to be cherished and captured by those who get the opportunity to be apart of it. I do want to make friends and build relationships but I have stopped putting pressure on myself to be someone I’m not just to make shallow relationships that won’t benefit me. If it happens it happens!

Wow, sorry for ranting. That is just such a crucial part of leaving home. I don’t have my usual support system and I have to tackle every problem alone. Our technology has made being away from home a little easier with texting, calling, and FaceTiming, but it can still feel extremely lonely because nobody can be with me day to day to see what I am going through. We only have ourselves in the end. And that is definitely a part of college I want to take advantage of, the ability to rely on myself and be independent.

Wellllll, getting onto happier and better topics: I am also, besides the loneliness and sadness, loving it! Being in a new environment is exhilarating. I love LOVE love living in a city. It is tough getting around and knowing the area, but it is interesting to use public transportation. Being alone and away from the people I went to high school with is also a plus, because I am not forced to be around people I don’t relate to or get along with daily. I am so excited for the rest of this semester and I plan to document it along the way!

(Also I’m learning spanish so I will somehow try to incorporate that into these posts)

Xoxo