How could we let other’s thoughts and feelings about ourselves lead us to do things about our lives differently? I DON’T KNOW. But I still let it go on. I let the opinions of others eat away at me until I feel lost. I don’t feel like myself anymore like I haven’t done anything for myself in a long long time.
Currently, I’m debating whether to stay at my current college or go back to my hometown and go to community college there. I know I am not staying here for the rest of the 3 years after Freshman year. I have been looking into other universities in the Los Angeles area, and have begun applying to a few schools there.
These huge decisions have just started bouncing around my mind recently, and it feels like it is all happening so fast. I haven’t been enjoying myself for awhile, and that has a lot to do with the school I attend. It just doesn’t feel right for me deep down. I can’t explain it really, it is just something I know and feel.
BUT, I did leave for a reason. When you go to college, going home is a dream. (For me anyway) Everything is easier and I feel a moment of peace and clarity for a second. I just don’t know if moving back there and living in my house will have me feeling the same way as here. Lost and lonely.
I constantly am thinking about what other people might say about me and my decision.
In these moments, I try to remember- nobody cares. Sometimes it can seem as if your actions are under a microscope for the entire world to see. This isn’t true. People, with circumstances, mainly think of themselves and only of themselves. At the most, you may be a two-minute conversation with someone who USED to know you. Everything changes. Everyone changes. Things aren’t always what they seem. Remember that when thinking of other’s lives and thoughts.
Focus on yourself. I’m going to focus on ME and doing what’s best for me. Nobody else can govern my life anymore, it is up to me.